This is dedicated to our son Eric, and I hope what I share on this site and in my book will help prevent others from this journey, help those who are on this journey, and those who have lost a loved one that they may find healing and peace.
Our son Eric died on April 8, 2015 from a heroin overdose cut with fentanyl. Eric struggled with substance use for 10 years and was clean for 2 years and 4 months when he relapsed after a doctor prescribed him Xanax for anxiety. It was a matter of 3 weeks later that Eric died. After his death, I wrote our story for therapy, and that same story was published as a book titled “A Family’s Story of Addiction, Death, and Recovery”.
I was not prepared for a world that involved SUD and most people aren’t because we all think “it won’t happen to me or my family.” When my wife, Marlene, and I found out our son was struggling every day just to merely feel “normal” we found we were in over our heads. What started off as trying to control, shame, and force our son to get him back on track turned into respecting him as a person and setting boundaries.
How do you ask? It took years of educating ourselves. From support groups, to faith, to opening our ears and listening to our son, we learned how to navigate life with SUD but, more importantly, how to continue living after tragedy hit our home. Some people think it’s a condition someone can just stop, but when you’ve lived around it, you realize it’s not easy. It’s a constant battle. This was the most difficult and painful situation we’ve ever gone through in my life. As a parent, we had to make decisions we never dreamed of.
Eric played hockey as a youth; he was a goalie. He found his passion as an adult as a sous chef. He loved to cook. Who is Eric Michael? I use “is” and not “was” because Eric is still with us – just in a different manner. We hear him when we listen to the music he loved. He’s with us when we go out to dinner and get a glimpse of the chefs in the kitchen, and we hear him giving directions when we cook at home. We never forget the sound of his voice, laugh, or his mannerisms.
Of course, life is not the same, but we move on the best we can. We established an endowment at Macomb Community College, which Eric attended, for the culinary department for competition. Eric loved to compete in these competitions. We also share our story, so others understand the dangers of this disease. Giving helps the soul and heart heal. We stay active and have met new friends which have also helped us heal. I believe if you stop living because of a tragedy, how can God put people in your life to heal?
I tell people we have 10 reasons for living life to the fullest. We have two adult children and seven grandchildren. We want to be a part of their lives. And the 10th reason? The day we see Eric again I want him to be proud that we lived life to the fullest, but always kept him in our heart.
Book Reviews
Very informative
I thought this book was very interesting and easy to follow. It covers the struggles of substance use disorder and the impact it has on the person and their family. I thought it was great how Gary shared the history of Eric and how he found techniques to cope with the struggles of his son’s sickness. I knew Eric on and off for about ten years, I had no idea of the hell that Eric and his family was going through behind the scenes. Eric was a kind person who turned me on to Johnny Cash and Waylon Jennings music, which I still enjoy today. I am happy that Gary and his family are doing well, under the circumstances. Gary’s tips on how to cope with extreme hardship can be related to other struggles that people encounter. It was an informative book, thank you for sharing!
More than the title- a must read!
This book was a story that went far beyond the title. Eric’s life with SUD is a catalyst for a truly humbling, soul searching honesty, that Gary has expressed so very compassionately and eloquently. His families journey and especially Gary’s enlightenment in all aspects of how his own recovery has brought him great emotional growth at being parent in any situation is well worth the read. Not for just families dealing with SUD, but this is a healthy read for families trying to struggle through all aspects of life and holding on loving each other in a healthy way.
A Journey Through Pain, Love, and Healing
A few months ago I learned that a friends dad was writing a book about her families story on addiction, death and recovery. Most of you know I lost my sister about 6 years ago to addiction. I had mourned the loss of her death years prior and have had a ton of guilt because of it since her passing. Could I have done more to help her? Why didn’t my family fight harder to save her? did we not love her enough? the list goes on and on.
Rachel’s dad’s book brought so much comfort (along with tears smiles and a mix of other emotions) but would recommend this to anyone that knows of someone dealing with addiction.
Reading thru Gary’s vision and what they went thru definitely has helped me see things so differently and for that I will be forever grateful!